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Extracts from Actual Letters Devoted Wife
These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils
and housing associations throughout the U.K.
Take all
American women who are within five years of menopause - train us
Fidel
dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not
on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to
hell.
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
watches to see what they do with the money. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns
several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the
remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their
future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.The doctor said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious, severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.""Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And, most importantly, make love to your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.""If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied.
In Tune with a Spouse's Emotion Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, " I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care) . She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says " but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it. ' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. " The husband says, " no -- no -- no, honey. We ' re not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank. " No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. " Her face gets really red, she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!!!!!!!!
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?"
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